"Be nice."
"Think about others before you think about yourself."
"Sacrificing your happiness for others is a noble thing."
"Share your stuff."
Have you heard this while growing up? Ofcourse, we all have. What our parents meant when they taught us these values was that you need to co-exist with others in this society, and in order to co exist, you need to make certain adjustments. Yes, adjustment is important. Without adjustments and compromises, you cannot be in a fruitful relationship with anyone.
However, have you ever been in a situation, where only you are adjusting and compromising most of the
time? While people around you just keep asking more and more of you. You keep doing everything in your power to make people happy. Then you realise that no matter how much you do, you can just never reach their expectations. When you find yourself become stressed, worried, anxious or even depressed because of these high unsaid, non-verbal demands around you, it is time to say a big NO and to disconnect.
Saying "No" to demands that are beyond your scope of comfort, wish and desire is not being selfish. Disconnecting from people who take up too much of your mind space, time and energy, is not being selfish. Telling people what you really think of them, even if it hurts them but frees you from ties of dishonesty and pressure, is not being selfish. It is being self-caring.
Imagine having to live up to demands of others that are unspoken, and in your own imaginary world gaining those words of appreciation and motivating yourself to gain those words, all the time! It is not only draining and exhausting, but it will eventually put a lot of stress on your relationships. You will start becoming bitter and unhappy. You will start becoming passive-aggressive and start being sarcastic, taunting, indirect. While the other person is perfectly happy in their comfort zone of you being flexible according to them.
Being honest, assertive and direct with a hint of kindness can take you a long way. It does not make you selfish. It makes you happy. People stop expecting you to be nice all the time. And let them! You are not born into this world to win a popularity contest but to evolve into a peaceful, happier, joyful you! Lighten your burden and let go of fears of judgment and criticism. The world will watch you with judgment in their eyes because to judge is its nature. You do not have to be viewed as good, beautiful, kind, gentle, polite, etc. by everyone. The ones who know you, will understand you, and the ones who don't, will never get you no matter what.
So lighten up! Step away from burdens of unrealistic expectations and embrace yourself the way you are. The world will automatically do so once you see yourself differently!
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