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Here's to the heartbroken Valentines

The last few days must be quite harrowing for you, and today especially, it feels as if you've been beaten up and every part of your mind feels bruised. There are couples around you, basking in the warmth of their loved one, there are excited people around you who are planning to express their love for someone and then there's you, thinking about your last year's Valentine's day or maybe the one before that. 


A heartbreak is not easy to deal with, and the pain is intense. People around you find it easy to say "Get over it and move on", but only you know how difficult it is. So today is a great opportunity for you to begin a new journey of love. So how do you turn around your sad broken heart into a renewed purpose for love? Here's a few things you can do: 


TOO MUCH SIGNIFICANCE IS THE CAUSE OF EXPECTATION


When we give too much significance to a particular day or event, it brings nothing but expectations. In fact, even couples that are celebrating this day, need to understand that this is just another day and maybe a cause for celebration, however not too significant. Too much energy is spent on planning, dreaming, expecting. Human nature is not one to be content in what you have, but it is more intent on wanting more or being discontent.

Therefore, the most awaited event usually never matches up to the image people have in their minds. The more we think that it is a "special day", the more we tend to attach emotions to it. So, look at any day as any other day and just as you can celebrate a specific day, you can also celebrate any other "ordinary" day. 


STAY AWAY FROM SELF PITY

Once you have accepted that there need not have any emotions attached to a particular day, you will realize that it is not such  big deal. However, we have a habit of pitying ourselves and thinking "I am alone on Valentine's day." Well, be aware that this is just another way of looking at yourself as a "victim" of loneliness.

It is easy to wallow in self pity and it is also natural to do so. However, when you are aware of what you are doing, you can make a choice: Continue wallowing in self pity all day long or to get over this feeling. The more you think of yourself as "alone", immediately, the emotion you are going to experience is that of "sadness", "pain", "agony".

You can also decide that "I want to feel sad for some time, but after one hour I am going to snap out of it." In that case, wallow as much as you like for that 1 hour and then consciously make a choice to snap out of it. You can pick your time limit.


EXPERIENCE GRATITUDE


When you overcome the idea of self pity, you will realize that most of your pain has reduced and it will eventually help you think more rationally. In this rational phase, try to think of all the love that you are surrounded with, whether you choose to be aware of it or not.

It is not just love from people around you, but love of your surroundings Like your home-your home loves you and welcomes you everyday, it gives you a space to be yourself and stay comfortable, your work-your work gives you something to do everyday and gives you purpose, and so many other ideas around you that you forget to be grateful for.

You are being loved by so many and so much, every single day. Try to feel the gratitude and you will realize that you really are not as miserable as you think you are. 


FIND LOVE IN ONESELF

I keep mentioning that be grateful you have experienced sorrow in your life. It is a great opportunity for you to look deep within yourself and get in touch with the most vulnerable part of you. So many people do not get this opportunity and sail through life without ever getting to know themselves or love themselves.

You can only give what you have. You radiate the energy of what you already possess. For example, if you have insecurity, it will come across in every form and that is the energy you will generate and invite more insecurity.

Similarly, if you develop peace and love within yourself, that is the energy you will radiate and that is what you will perceive in the world around you, as well as invite peace and love in your own life.

You are your ultimate lover, friend, parent, teacher and confidante. Nobody can replace that role in your life. Those little voices inside your head, playing a different role each time, keep consoling you, guiding you and commanding you what to do and what not to do. That is your own voice. Listen to it.

Others can probably give support and guide you, but they too can do it only when you choose to accept it. Without this internal love, it is nearly impossible for you to feel loved even when others love you. You will keep searching for discontent in their love and company. So, allow people and life to love you.


Love is very abstract. Philosophers and scientists have always tried to understand this across centuries. The experience of love is never constant and is felt differently by different people. It is difficult to understand why people behave the way they do when they are in love and whether two people can actually love each other with the same intensity. It is also difficult to understand why it hurts so much when you lose a loved one. The only thing that you can know for sure is what you feel and think. So, on this Valentine's day, explore yourself as much as you wish to and you will find what you have been searching for.

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