Marriages are not made in heaven. We must build them as a couple, one brick at a time. There are many reasons why couples don’t get along after marriage. Some of them are communication, conflict resolution, and lack of love and support. However, in my 12 years of practice as a psychologist and couple therapist, I have understood the top reason why Indian couples do not get along.
EXCESSIVE AND UNNECESSARY FAMILY INVOLVEMENT
Families mean well. They want to ensure that the couple adheres to family values and that their son/daughter-in-law treats their child well. However, despite their well-meaning intentions, they often get overly involved in their children’s lives and end up messing things up for them.
Forming a united front and a team is crucial for a couple to develop a strong bond, trust, and attachment with one another. When either set of parents gets involved, they are essentially ensuring that their child disengages from their partner and form a team with them-the family. When this happens, which is the most common phenomenon I have seen, especially in Indian couples, the couple is unable to resolve conflicts or empathetically communicate with one another. You are constantly pushing the family’s agenda towards your partner. Although families feel their involvement is helping matters, it does quite the opposite.
This behavior makes couples isolated from one another and makes it extremely difficult to trust each other.
Any third-party influence over a couple is hazardous for the relationship.
So here’s what you can do to ensure that this reason does not affect your relationship with your partner: Take a stand for your partner
It does not matter whether your partner is right or wrong. You can speak and communicate in private and try to at least understand each other. A conversation may not resolve a conflict, but it sure builds openness, trust, and empathy. However, it would be best if you always put up a united front. No matter the issue, you are an intelligent and capable individual to resolve your problems. You do not need your parents to protect or support you. Taking a stand for your partner might be difficult at first, but the emotional bond this creates is immense and ever-lasting.
When should you involve your family?
Can all conflicts be understood or resolved? No. In cases of violence, emotional abuse, and mental harassment, you will need external support. Once you have extinguished all methods of communication with your partner or all kinds of external mediation-like couple therapy, and if you find yourself being abused in your marriage, you need to involve a more extensive support system.
But do remember – You are not becoming a part of anyone’s family, and neither is your partner – YOU BOTH ARE STARTING A NEW FAMILY! You are the ultimate authority in your relationship.
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